Ione Skye on her beautifully vibrant and cinematic memoir, “Say Everything”

I’m riding on the “L” in Chicago, and at the same time, I’m walking in Soho with Ione Skye and Zoe Cassavettes in the 1990s. Or I’m laying in my bed and I’m having an awkward shower with Ione Skye and Keanu Reeves during the filming of “River’s Edge.” I’m running outside with my dog by Lake Michigan, and I’m laying out with Ione Skye and Gwyneth Paltrow in the South of Italy. I’m eating a sandwich at lunch and I tear up hearing about Ione’s passion for women today, and how her life has evolved in unexpected ways. I was with her that whole time, living vicariously through her story. When the audio book for her memoir, Say Everything, was over, it wasn’t over for me. I watched “Gas Food Lodging,” directed by Allison Anders. I rewatched her iconic performance in Cameron Crowe’s “Say Anything.” And I was chilled to the bone revisiting Ione’s scene in David Fincher’s “Zodiac.” I’d fallen down the Ione rabbit hole.

To get the opportunity to speak with the Ione Skye who had all of these amazing adventures was such a special moment for me. And to boot, we got to talk about her experience directing Jena Malone in her 2011 short film “David Goldberg,” Natasha Lyonne in her music video “333,” co-directing the short film “Bed, Bath, and Beyond” with Sofia Coppola, and her passion for young female artists. I loved every minute of it.

Thank you for saying everything in your book, Ione. It truly moved me. I’m so glad I listened to the audio book too. It was like listening to a friend get into all the good bits. The storytelling is so cinematic and vivid. This was another “pinch me moment” interview.

What inspired you to write this book? It was so descriptive and so sensory, I wondered, “How does she remember all of this?”

Thank you. I do have an incredible long-term memory. I just really do. And I journaled and wrote in diaries. I was always writing stories from when I was young. A lot of the stories that were in the book I was already writing, especially during junior high, because that’s such an impressionable time. So I’ve been writing since sixth grade, and through journaling, I just realized that I love to write. 

Also, just asking people about that time period helped with filling in the scenes. I felt like that was a really important part of the process. One of the most impactful experiences was growing up in LA and Hollywood. I was always trying to write a script, so I was used to writing scenes and filling it in. 

And I would Google stuff like, “What was the perfume we all liked in 1984?” Or I’d ask people, “What was that restaurant we liked, the one we used to go to in Soho?” I’d asking them whether I was remembering a certain thing correctly. I’d also try to get the lingo correct. This approach gave me the details I needed to make the scenes more full. 

The way the scenes are described, it’s almost musical, like there’s some kind of beat traveling with you. That could have been because I listened to your voice in the audio book, which was a great way to experience your memoir. I could be anywhere—on the train, walking down the street—and I’d be transported.

In terms of your acting career, I wanted to start with “Say Anything,” one of my favorites! I rewatched the film last night with my husband, and it amazed us both. I’m interested about your experience working with producer Polly Platt, whose impact in Hollywood I feel is overlooked.

Luckily, along with Cameron Crow and James L. Brooks, I was filled in about who she was before I started working on the film. It was such a great team. So I came on to the set with some respect for her. She was definitely scary, you know? I recently did a Q&A with her daughter where they showed “Say Anything.” And even her daughter was scared of her. 

She misses her mom a lot, but also was scared of her as well. She was scary, but warm at the same time, and you just knew how smart she was. Even if no one told me this woman was something special and had done all these things and was kind of brilliant, you would be able to tell just because she was one of those intriguing, really smart people. She was also very well-dressed, not like Martha Stewart, but in a kind of understated way.

I know she was wounded, insecure, frustrated and angry because of being a woman, and also because of her personal life with Peter Bogdanovich. But she seemed so strong. I admire any woman who’s like that, who’s still kind of pushing forward and being kind of tough. She was also deeply warm and cared so much about people. You could tell she wasn’t just cold and tough, there was also a warmth and care. So I was always nervous but excited to be around her. 

I appreciated that you were so open about your sexuality and exploring your bisexuality. I think many people who are going to listen to or read your book will feel more seen by how you go in depth about that journey. What was it like for you to explore those parts of yourself on the page?

While I was writing it, I was just trying to get back to the mentality I was in. And I was very much able to do that emotionally by filling in all the blanks of what the room felt like or looked like. I was really able to  emotionally get back into my state of mind. So that wasn’t challenging. Writing about those early crushes or early feelings, I just was in the feeling of it. And then later, when we were going through all of the edits, I sort of combed through it and was like, “How do I feel about this? Do I feel too exposed? Is this even cringy?”

I realized that there are sex scenes in here, which is so funny to have in a memoir, because the sex scenes can be cheesy or cringy or raunchy. They can be things that I was trying to avoid remembering. So I figured that if I don’t mind these words, hopefully other people won’t mind. Or I’d decide that I personally would never want to use those words to describe those moments.

At the time, especially in the 90s, I felt very upset that I was cheating on my husband, but had I been single, I don’t think I would’ve felt ashamed or had to be closeted. In the 90s, there was a really vibrant, and really safe lesbian scene in LA with Clea Duvall and all of these people. It didn’t feel scary or bad, and they didn’t seem to be getting any hate. And honestly, I was so young, in my early 20s, and I didn’t understand why it was such a big deal. But now, being older, I’m more aware, and I’d be more closeted about my sexuality. 

I was writing it from a young person’s mind, so I didn’t feel uncomfortable. I just felt that this is my story, and I didn’t want to be judgmental. I really feel bad when I hurt people, but I believe that if I wasn’t hurting somebody, I wouldn’t feel like it was a bad thing. 

I appreciate you putting all the pieces together. And that’s why the end of the book is so rewarding. When you get to the bit about meeting your husband Ben Lee and how you actually came together, it reminded me of my relationship with my husband. I went through a lot of escapades before I met him, and you get this feeling when a person is right for you. I could also relate to that whole thing about not rushing it. 

Now I wanted to talk about some of your work with other female filmmakers like Allison Anders. I recently watched “Gas Food Lodging” for the first time, and you were so great in it. I know you had smaller roles in films by Penelope Spheeris (“Wayne’s World”) and Jamie Babbit (“But I’m a Cheerleader”). How was it working with those filmmakers?

It was so great. Back then, before I would go into a movie that was directed by a woman, I would think, ‘Is it going to be weird even for me?’ Because women too have their own prejudices. Sometimes when I get in a taxi and there’s a woman driver, I find I’m thinking, ‘Wait, a woman driver?’  Not like I’m not good with it, but I’m just not used to it. I wonder if it’s going to feel weird, and then it doesn’t. Penelope Spheeris was so cool and so herself. And the same was true of Allison and Tamra Davis.

I guess it’s because they feel so themselves on a set. When Sofia Coppola, who I was and still am friends with, was making “The Virgin Suicides,” I just wanted to go to the set and see how she was directing her film. Sofia is so soft spoken, and I was wondering how my quiet, mumbling friend was going to be on a set. And she was totally commanding, but still herself. The same with Alison Anders, who is so unique. She wears these flowy kind of festival dresses and has these great tattoos on her boobs. She’s just so smart and so feminine. Once they are there on set, it just feels so right. And they are, of course, off-the-cuff movie buffs and they know what they’re doing. It’s always amazing to see, because so many directors are men.

Sofia Coppola is one of my favorite filmmakers. “Lost in Translation” has probably been my top film since 2003. And I love Zoe Cassavettes. So hearing your adventures with them in the book, I felt like I was right with you guys, and I felt so cool. You all collaborated together on projects, is that correct?

Yeah, Sofia and I did a short film that’s really crazy and amazing called “Bed, Bath, and Beyond” with her and my producer friend, Andrew Durham. And we did a book together because I had an art show with Sofia where she had her photographs, I had paintings and Kim Gordon had her paintings in the show. We did that in Tokyo, which was like a dream, and they made a book about this group of women artists.

Zoe and I made a short film together, “Men Make Women Go Crazy Theory,” and that was brilliant too. We are hoping that one day, we’ll finally write and make a small feature together.

I watched the short film you directed, “David Goldberg,” and it features Jena Malone, who is one of my favorite actors. How was it putting that one together?

I mean, it’s true what they say about working with kids. I wanted to make sure they were okay all the time. So that was the stress. People say never work with kids or dogs because it’s hard to get them to do what you want, but all of these kids were really good. I was so happy that Jena was a part of the film. I will always feel grateful that she did that. Also, Natasha Lyonne and I directed a music video where she played the lead. I will be grateful to both of them for the rest of my life. 

I feel like you are very revered among actors because of all of the incredible performances you’ve done.

I guess that’s true, for sure. I mean, they like me and they like my work. But just acting in something, even if it’s a short film, takes a lot of your time. You have to devote at least a few days to it, but they were so happy to be a part of these projects. I was in a short film that Chloë Sevigny directed called “Kitty” for almost no money. But I did it, of course, because you want to support people whose minds and work you admire. The Natasha Lyonne video was based on the film “Repulsion” that Catherine Deneuve starred in, where she’s a housewife going crazy. 

A question I always ask my interview subjects is what do you hope people see in your film? But in this case, what do you hope people see in your book? 

The response has been so incredible. Every day, I’m getting a text from someone I know or a DM from someone I don’t know, saying things like, “I’ve just finished your book. I read it in two sittings. I’m crying.” It’s just so nice that people feel it’s sort of cinematic. The gushy part is I do hope, of course, that people feel they can accept themselves better. Hopefully it’s inspiring and gives readers an experience that’s really thrilling. It’s so nice to be seen in that way.

I don’t mind being a bit of a mystery or enigmatic, which I am personally and also maybe as an actor. I’ve always been jealous of actors who fit a certain type because I feel like I don’t know what my type is, apart from being ethereal or something. But the book is very satisfying, not only in how it gets readers to know me, but gives them an experience that is exciting and meaningful.

I’d also love to hear about your current collaboration with your husband, “Weirder Together.”

It started as a podcast and we put out other podcasts, so it kind of became an umbrella for how other people put out singles. Then it started feeling like a production company more than just the podcast. And now my husband’s doing a music cartoon for the Australian Broadcasting Corporation that’s in development. And now, I’m starting to have meetings about possibly making my book into either a film or something on TV, and our “Weirder Together” company will be one of the producers on it. 

And we’ve had events at our house with people like Joanna Sternberg, who is a really great musician. I’m in Sydney now, but back in LA, we were having events for musicians and then we’d get people to come and see them. So “Weirder Together” became a kind of umbrella for many different things.

The podcast is once a week, and it’s been amazing. Since we’ve been living in Sydney, we’ve had a studio and hired other people help edit and light it. This has been so good because before, my husband was doing all of that, and he’d be in the worst mood. I would show up like, “I’m ready,” and because of all of the technical stuff, he would be like, “Why are you relaxed? This isn’t fun.”

But it’s been good. People like our relationship, and we talk about pop culture stuff. It’s just one of those cozy relationship podcasts where people can feel comforted. 

To close out, at the conclusion of the book, you talked about how there are a lot of younger female artists who you’re elevating through your production company. You also said something interesting about how this is an exciting time for women in how they are finding themselves and being independent.

I see so many, even in terms of influencers. Ivy Wolk is an actress, but she’s also a comedian and influencer. She is one of those young women we are seeing now who are so themselves, confident and funny. That’s a great combination. You can be really interesting looking and sexy. I just like that it’s broadening, as are people’s relationships. I have a 23-year-old. When people of my kid’s generation start going out together, they make the rules. Even I don’t think I could handle an open relationship, but you see these young people creating their own structures, and the same thing goes for these young entrepreneurial women. It seems like the world is their oyster, and the hustle is not an embarrassing thing anymore. 

I’m seeing so many interesting young women who are doing their thing. It used to feel like comedians such as Sarah Silverman and Joan Rivers were the only ones doing that, but now you see young women doing it, and I’m just happy about it. 

For me, as a young person, I was like, ‘I guess I have to just keep getting married or have someone help take care of me.’ I’ve still got that old fashioned kind of mentality, like if my career goes down, I’ll need someone to help support me, whereas I feel like people are scrappier these days.

Yeah, I feel like you have to be. I know that with my organization, it is my passion for the community of female, trans and gender-expansive artists in film I elevate that drives me, especially during this tough time with the government.

Yes, I’m definitely inspired. As we all know, right now, it’s an unreal time, but it reminds me of when films like “Easy Rider,” and “Raging Bull” suddenly came out of the Hollywood system after it was being very square and out of touch. And now, it’s very different with streaming, but I’m reading articles and listening to podcasts about these new kind of independent TV models that people are starting to do. I feel like there’s going to be a new wave coming. Unfortunately, it often comes because of a very dry or horrible time.

Art is going to save us, for sure.

And I don’t think people are going to want to stop making good things and watching good things. People will figure it out, and are currently in the process of that. I’ve always been the last sort of person to see the future of things. When people were going to start watching movies on their computers, I was like, “That’ll never happen.” So I’m learning how to be more forward thinking about a new way of doing things.

Say Everything was published in March by Gallery Books, an imprint of Simon & Schuster (you can order your copy here). Her podcast, “Weirder Together,” with Ben Lee can be found here.